A Letter to My Late Husband

My dearest husband,

It's been 45 days I cannot touch you anymore. I can only come to your grave to touch the stone with your name written on it. When can I touch you again?

I really miss daily life with you. I'm longing for your voice asking me to make another cup of coffee for you. I miss gossiping about some random persons with you. I miss looking at you play with our cats. I'm longing for everything about you.

Don't you miss looking at my facial expression everytime you come home bringing some ice cream or fruit salad for both of us to enjoy together? Are you not longing for the sound of my laughter after you crack some jokes? Do you not miss my cooking of your favorite food? You always know that my 'sambal tempe' is yummy.

Anyway, how are you now up there? I hope you're always accompanied by many loving souls. You already meet you elder brother and your parents, right? I'm sure you have a good time up there.

And down here on earth, I'm still grieving. But I'm trying to survive my life here because I know that you want me to have a good life here on earth. I'm not lying when I say that I often feel I have no energy to get through the day. However, I can still survive.

Please don't mind if I still talk to you at home. I pretend that you are still here. I just assume that you can hear me talking about anything to you. Yesterday I even got angry at you because I couldn't find your left earbud. You must have dropped it somewhere before I brought you to the hospital that night.

I don't know when my time comes, but please promise me that you'll be waiting for me up there. Thoughts and prayers from me are always for you every day and night with the hope that we'll never lose connection. So when my time comes, you'll directly welcome me. Then we'll be together again.