Listening is caring

If you want to tell your problem to someone else, I think the best person to go to is the one that is very close to you. This person can be your best friend, your spouse, or your parents. And you will tell about your problem privately or face to face. You won't want others to hear it. You tell that with the hope that you will not feel burdened or that person can give you advice.

There are, however, some special persons that you will share your problems with. These special persons are not close to you. Maybe you just know their nick name; you don't know anything else about them. These people have the face which says, "Now tell me about it." They don't need to say that to make you tell everything. They have good listening skill and highly qualified patience. They never want to interrupt your story because they know when to give best responses.

After you finish telling about your problem, you will feel a sudden relief. This is not because of their giving a suggestion (most of the time they don't give it). That relief comes from how appreciated we feel when we tell them our problem. And you will feel sure that they will not tell about your problem to other people they know. They are quite good at keeping secrets.

One more thing about them is that you don't have to pay for that session because they are not psychologists. They are just ordinary persons who are willing to be a garbage bin for your problem.

Speed bumps oh speed bumps

It is very common to see many speed bumps on streets this day in my town. That is, I think, because there are so many vehicles, so many people, and so many careless people driving fast cars or riding motorcycles. These speed bumps can make them slow down their vehicle. As a result, accidents can be minimized. However, there are some sadly annoying things from those speed bumps.

One sadly annoying thing is about the height and the shape of the speed bumps. The ideal height and shape is of course based on the government regulation. But in reality, those speed bumps are bigger and higher than expected. Even if we already slow down, the after-effect shake still hurts. Sometimes, out loud curses are heard after passing speed bumps.

Another annoying thing is the speed bumps' location. It is still acceptable if we find them on the streets of housings because many children often play near the street or on the street. However, if those speed bumps are on main streets where drivers and riders have their 'normal' speed, sooner or later their vehicles are damaged. It will be worse if there is no sign that there will be speed bumps ahead. For patients with emergency situation, passing that speed bump with maximum speed will risk their life.

The best solution for me myself is just to avoid main roads with speed bumps. There are two main roads in my town Madiun that I will avoid as long as I can: Urip Sumoharjo street and Letkol Suwarno street. If anyone wants to pass those streets, happy bumpy driving. 😉

Appreciate what is for us

There are times when we really wish we could have the thing that we don't own at the moment. That's normal because we are human beings; we have desires. When we see our neighbor buy a new car, we want to have that kind of car too, or even a more expensive car. When we see our friend get a better job than us, we want that job too. When we get a free doughnut with vanilla topping while our friend gets one with chocolate topping, we take that doughnut with the chocolate topping from our friend because we don't like vanilla. We don't even care whether our friend likes vanilla or not. How selfish we are. How immature we are. Therefore, it's time to start to appreciate what is for us and what we have.

Let's learn from a chicken. In its normally healthy condition, it will eat the grain that we usually give. After it feels full, it will stop eating. That chicken never looks so busy to prepare stocks of grain for it when it feels hungry later. I have three roosters and three hens at home. The food for the roosters is a special chicken feed, while the hens eat a mixture of leftover rice and bran. If I check from their menus, the chicken feed is much more nutritious than the rice and bran mixture. However, I never see those hens interested in eating the chicken feed given for the roosters. The roosters also focus on eating the chicken feed. If I give some chicken feed to the hens, they actually eat it. But those hens never try to eat from the place for the roosters. Those roosters and hens really appreciate their present moment.

We human can do that too. If we can appreciate the present moment, we can also appreciate what is for us and what we have. If at the present moment we are drinking, please appreciate that our mouth  can still open to let the water in. Some others may have a difficulty opening the mouth. If at the present moment we are still cleaning the house, appreciate that we can still live in a house. There are many homeless people out there who don't have a house to clean. If at the present moment we are thinking hard about a solution to a problem, appreciate that moment, because there are some people who cannot use their brain properly.

Enjoying sounds

It's sometimes weirdly funny when I see two people having a conversation but both of them talk. A simple example is when their topic is about spending their holiday. At the same time, one person says, "Yesterday I visited  a beautiful beach in my hometown", while the other person says, "The food in ABC Restaurant was super delicious."None of them stops talking until they finish the sentence. It becomes much funnier when one of them increases the volume of his voice. It surely means that he wants to be heard; he feels that he and his story are much more important than the other one's story.

That example above indicates that most people want to be heard. If so, who will listen? If everyone wants to be heard, no one will be able to listen. No one doesn't have the willingness to listen. If a person does listen to someone's speech, his intention of listening is only to reply. For a beginner listener, that's still okay. But a real listening is not that simple.

When a person speaks louder than usual, there are some emotions there: pride, anger, or maybe happiness. Yes, the content is always clear. But if we listen deeper about how he delivers his content, we can know and sense many things. In my opinion, this kind of deep listening can be exercised by doing simple things every day. And that is by enjoying many kinds of sounds, from the sound of a falling leaf to the sound of many speeding trucks passing by. Happy listening.

Insurance? As an Indonesian who works for an Indonesian private company, I have to join BPJS, the Indonesia's health insurance. Like it or not, I have to pay every month for that insurance. I treat that money as a donation to the government because the government is too poor to facilitate the health service. I always hope that I will never use that money, meaning that I will not use the facility of the hospital for the medication because I am always staying healthy. So, every time when an insurance telemarketer calls me, I will strongly but elegantly refuse.

However, sometimes it's rather difficult to end the call from those insurance telemarketers even if I already say no. They insist on knowing why I say no, why I am not interested though I am chosen, and why I ignore that opportunity to be their 'priority'. They say that they are excellent at managing my money. Don't they ever know that I am not rich? Or is it possible that they intend to make me much poorer than I am now? Yes, I won't be able to claim the money when I cannot pay that insurance anymore. I cannot claim the money. The money that I have paid them doesn't belong to me! It belongs to the insurance company! Yes, they are excellent at managing my money to become their money.

My response is simple. I tell them that my money belongs to me, so it is I who should manage the money; not anybody else. And if they still insist, I will answer like this: "I want to enjoy the here and the now. I don't want any burdens of long term, complicated planning."

Mari berbicara dengan sederhana

Bahasa sangatlah penting dalam kehidupan kita sehari hari. Suatu hal akan lebih mudah kita ungkapkan dengan lisan  meskipun ada pula yang dapat kita mengerti dengan isyarat.  Dalam kehidupan kita saat ini, mungkin banyak di antara kita yang mengungkapkan sesuatu dengan bahasa asing ataupun bahasa gaul. Terlintas di benak kita bahwa gaya berbahasa tersebut akan meningkatkan status diri kita di depan lawan bicara. Tetapi sadarkah kita apakah yang ingin kita sampaikan dapat dipahami oleh lawan bicara kita? Itu yang harus digarisbawahi dan dicetak tebal dengan penulisan miring. Berikut adalah sebuah contoh kasus sederhana dan menggelitik tentang kasus penyampaian yang kurang pas dan jadinya amburadul.

Ada seorang guru SD di pelosok desa, dengan jenjang pendidikan tinggi yang bergelar S.Pd, S.H, S.Sos,  M.M, M.Hum dan seterusnya sampai susah mengejanya. Sang guru juga aktif dalam organisasi masyarakat dan kepartaian. Menurut kabar yang beredar, sang guru juga mau mencalonkan diri menjadi ketua RT di kabupatennya. Untuk lebih mudah memahami cerita, kita sebut saja sang guru dengan nama Pak Jhon.

 

Di suatu hari saat istirahat siang di sekolah tempatnya mengajar, pak Jhon merasakan suasana yang panas. Walaupun berada di dalam ruangan, pak Jhon tidak kuat menahan hawa panasnya karena 50% atap ruangan sudah hilang. Kerongkongan pak Jhon pun seperti terbakar. Akhirnya pak Jhon menyerah, dan memanggil Panjul muridnya kelas 3 yang ingusan, kerempeng, dan dekil. Pak Jhon minta tolong pada Panjul untuk membelikan ORANGE JUICE di toko yang tidak jauh dari sekolahnya. Dengan sigap si Panjul siap melaksanakan tugas karena dia adalah murid yang berbakti. Pak Jhon memberikan uang 50 ribu rupiah dan bilang ke Panjul, “Tulung tukokno minuman orange  juice. Tak ejrah yo, O-R-A-N-G-E  juice.” Setelah pak Jhon mengeja nama pesanan minumannya itu,  si Panjul pun menjawab, “Injih Pak.” Si Panjul lalu berlari secepat mungkin ke toko. 

Sesampainya di toko, si Panjul merasa agak bingung dengan permintaan pak Jhon. Setelah berpikir keras tentang nama minuman yang dieja oleh pak Jhon tadi, si Panjul memberanikan diri bertanya pada pemilik toko, “Buk, badhe tumbas ombenan sing mboten nyuntik.”  Si ibu pemilik toko merasa kebingungan dengan mulut menganga mendengar ucapan si Panjul tersebut. Lalu si ibu bertanya,  “Iku ombenan opo yo? Aku gak tau ngerti. opo iku ombenan anyar yo? Terus olehe kulakan nang ngendi? Jajal sesuk tak golekne.” 

Mendengar jawaban si ibu pemilik toko, si Panjul takut bukan kepalang dan lari tunggang langgang. Ketika mendekati sekolah, langkahnya lemas kecapekan dengan hati gundah gulana karena merasa gagal menunaikan tugas kehormatan sebagai murid berbakti. Pikiran si Panjul melayang membayangkan hukuman yang akan diterima karena mandat pak Jjhon tidak terpenuhi. Dengan hati was was si Panjul memberanikan diri untuk melaporkan kegagalan tugasnya. Baginya tugas adalah tugas dengan kejujuran yang harus diembannya. 

Di hadapan pak Jhon dia menghadap dan meminta maaf,  “Pak,  pangapunten, teng toko mboten wonten minuman sing mboten nyuntik.” Mendengar laporan si Panjul, pak Jhon melongo dan tepuk jidat sambil berkata, “Yo wes lah, tak tuku dewe, wes kono gek ndang mlebu kelas.”

Dari cerita di atas, jelas sudah bahwa bahasa berperan dalam menyampaikan maksud dan membuat paham lawan bicara kita. Yang kita utamakan adalah pemahaman tentang karakter orang yang kita ajak bicara; bukan mengutamakan pencitraan untuk memperlihatkan status sosial kita.

 

Aurora and Sigrid

I've been enjoying Aurora's and Sigrid's music. Not many people know them. They are young Norwegians, very talented at music. Aurora's lyrics are mostly about life and mystery, never about puppy love, whereas Sigrid's are dominantly about teen friendship, not about love relationship. When they are in a live performance, they really enjoy that moment.They don't try hard to look perfect in front of the audience. They are just being themselves. Even when I look at their style in their official music video, they don't try to show off their physical beauty or sexy outfit. They are just being pure.

When I am in my normal feeling and then I listen to Aurora's songs, my soul feels blown somewhere else. I feel Aurora's emotion when she sings the songs. It feels deep, dark, mysterious, and enchanting. Sigrid's style is different. When I listen to her songs, I sense a very healthy energy from a happy teenager. When I see her music videos, I mostly smile at her facial expressions and body movements. She is so energetic.

If you are curious about them, just check one of their music videos or live performances from Youtube. If you like it, I am sure you will like their other videos. But if you don't like it, please don't mock or underestimate their performance. It just means that you and I don't have the same taste in music.

How I succeed in controlling my anger

Anger is always a unique emotion for me. It's unique because I always get the satisfaction and disappointment at the same time after I express it harshly. Those will be normalized after I can cry. After finishing my cry, I then speak in a relaxed tone to the person that I am angry at. But as a result, my body feels that I have already spent too much energy, feeling totally exhausted. So, I realize that it will harm my body if I am always harsh when I am angry. I really need to learn how to control my anger.

Then I find a formula. This is very simple, but not easy because it needs a lot of practice. Every time when I encounter something or someone that deserves my anger, I have a mantra in my Javanese language: "Nesu nggarai kesel" (Being angry causes being unhealthily exhausted). While I am saying that mantra silently, I am cooling down my brain and heart at the same time. I cannot explain how I do that at the same time, but the sensation of feeling cool and calm comes straight right to my chest, not head. Then after that, I can control my breath easily. Maybe that makes some little magic happen. I will see things or persons that make me laugh or smile. My anger seems gone nowhere. My emotion is amazingly normal. There is no burden in my head or chest. It means that I don't suppress my anger; I control it.